yet another reason i am not as cool as john cusack

A lot of these are pretty bad. Thanks, WLIR!

song obsessions update

Dramatic Television

People are going to listen to your song and go "Who produced this, the pope?"

This morning I realized that “Love Lockdown” by Kanye West is the best Depeche Mode song in years. It also makes for at least one good mashup.

in which i attempt a vaguely Schenkerian analysis of White Christmas and fail before the third measure

We start at the beginning: the song is in C major. And the first chord (of the sectional chorus, which is the part of the song everyone knows; for the purposes of this exercise, we're ignoring the first verse) is indeed C major (I) (“I'm…”). And yet, right there in that chord there's an A. There are no A's in a C major chord. If you had that chord on a first semester music theory exam and asked “What chord is this?” a student might very well answer Am7 in first inversion and you would have to mark him correct.

But it's not an Am7. No way no how. It just isn't. So the A, it's a non-chord tone. Is it a neighbor tone, or one of those other things whose names I forget? The next chord is a Dm7. There's totally an A in that, so maybe that's the purpose of the A: to lead us into the Dm. That sounds like a plausible theory, except for the fact that the C w/ the A in it repeats 4 times before we get a chord change. Four fucking times. A, A, A, A. None of which belong there.

So, after that first bar, the song moves to the aforementioned Dm7 (ii7) (“Dream-”). A little weird to be the first thing in a song like this, but whatever, it's a totally diatonic chord change. I understand that, let's move on with the analysis. The song moves back to C (I) (“-ing”) and then, on the word “of”, to… B major (VII)? “Okay,” I think, “Don't let it throw you. Berlin is just throwing in a little chromaticism. No big deal. This must be an applied chord or something. What's the next chord... oh crap.” Yes, it goes right back to C (“a”), and I am completely lost.

Now, granted, it's been a few years since I studied music theory in any serious way, and it's quite possible there's some obvious thing that I'm forgetting here, but damn. That's some serious songwriting right there. And the most amazing thing about it is that it sounds like the simplest song in the world.

movin' on up

what with the demise of muxtape, i've moved my last mix over to 8tracks. cover up, soon to be joined by a new mix as well. stay tuned.

UPDATE: it has come to my attention that 8tracks blows. You should be able to get to the mix now (no signup necessary) but i am looking for a replacement. suggestions welcome.

my first muxtape

to be updated semi-regularly. this time round: cavity-inducing pop music.
bgruber.muxtape.com

song obsession update

• Otis Redding - Try a Little Tenderness
• The Police - Roxanne
• Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger (Alive 2007)
• Flying White Dots - Tonight We Play
• Harry Nilsson - Midnight Cowboy (Everybody's Talking)
• Jens Lekman - The Opposite of Hallelujah

via leslie, but as a show of blog support for laura. answer these questions by putting your music on random.

• Will I get far in life?

  Billy Joel - 2000 Years. how literal.

• How do my friends see me?

  Dean Gray - Dr. Who on Holiday (a mashup of Green Day's Holiday with The Timelord's (aka KLF) Doctorin' the Tardis, itself a mashup of The Doctor Who theme and Gary Glitter's Rock and Roll Part 1). I am a mashup of a mashup. And a particularly awesome one at that.

• Where will I get married?

  djBC - Chanukah Song (GoyiMix) (a mashup of Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song with Van Halen's Jump, and some samples from Spartacus, The Godfather, Star Trek and Happy Days). a not particularly interesting, pretty messy mashup, which sound like a marriage to me.

• What is my best friend’s theme song?

  Passion - I Wish I Could Forget You. no comment.

(At this point, every other song was christmas related, so i exercised some editorial control and skipped a bunch.)

• What is the story of my life?

  The Dead Kennedys - MTV Get Off the Air. "If we have our way even you will believe this is the future of rock and roll." "You've turned rock and roll rebellion into Pat Boone sedation."

• What was high school like?

  Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya & Pink - Lady Marmalade (Moulin Rouge soundtrack). unfortunately my sexual escapades in those years were basically nonexistent.

• How can I get ahead in life?

  U2 - Grace. "It's a name for a girl; it's also a thought that could change the world." Dammit bono, which is it?

• What is the best thing about me?

  DJ Danger Mouse - Encore (The Grey Album - mashup of Jay-Z's Encore with The Beatles' Glass Onion). "Oh yeah."

(At this point I am exercising editorial control again and eliminating any more mashups.)

• How is today going to be?

  Thomas Newman - Black Angel (Angels in America score). Today will be very dramatic with some really dissonant violins.

• What is in store for this weekend?

  The Apples in Stereo - Energy. partay! also, it's very kid disco friendly.

• What song describes my parents?

  we are scientists - riffmaster b. "settle down. settle down."

• My grandparents?

  Survivor - Eye of the Tiger. Not that appropriate really.

• How is my life going?

  Brian Eno - 2/2 (Ambient 1: Music for Airports). well, until last week i guess this pretty much summed it up.

• What song will they play at my funeral?

  Cutting Crew - I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight. Again with the literalness! Well I hope I do, even if I hope they don't play this song.

• How does the world see me?

  Abba - Dancing Queen. laura i will totally trade you.

• Will I have a happy life?

  The Beatles - I Want You. well that's only vaguely twisted.

• What do my friends really think of me?

  stellastarr* - My Coco. "I sat alone and i didn't care. i sat 2 years in the same old chair."

• Do people secretly lust after me?

  Regina Spektor - Samson. "You are my sweetest downfall."

• How can I make myself happy?

  John Williams - Finale and End Credits (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). dum dadum duuum, dum daduuuum.

• What should I do with my life?

  Regina Spektor - Music Box. "life inside the music box ain't easy. the mallets hit the gears are always turning. and every one inside the mechanism is yearning to get out."

• Will I ever have children?

  The Cranberries - Linger. "you know i'm such a fool for you. you got me wrapped around your finger."

• What is some good advice?

  Fairground Attraction - Perfect. "Young hearts are foolish, they make such mistakes; they're much too eager to give their love away."

• What is my signature dancing song?

  The Blues Brothers Band - Peter Gunn.Fine I will stand here and menacingly tap my foot in time.

• What do I think my current theme song is?

  She Wants Revenge - I Don't Want to Fall in Love. Well that's not true. man these guys need to chill out. then again, they know exactly what they're doing. ok, i can't listen to it anymore, on to the next one.

• What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

  The Who - Sally Simpson. well that makes no sense at all. oh well. i always laugh at the line "Sally got married to a rock musician she met in California."

• What type of men/women do you like?

  The White Stripes - Your Southern Can is Mine. mwahahaha.

• What did you think of this meme?

  The Righteous Brothers - You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling. Damn straight phil spector. damn straight.

song obsession update

man this is all i do on this blog anymore.

• Radiohead - 15 Step
• Jim James & Calexico - Goin' to Acapulco (I'm Not There soundtrack)
• Beirut - Scenic World (Lon Gisland E.P. version)
• The Rolling Stones - Wild Horses
• Party Ben - (Do Ya) Think I'm Sexy (In the Morning)

Still have the other one... Harry Nilsson on there.

song obsession update

• Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way
• M.I.A. - Boyz
• We Are Scientists - This Means War
• Harry Nilsson - Everybody's Talking
• Blur - The Universal

I have been crushing particularly hard on those last two.

song obsessions update

• Feist - 1234
• The Polyphonic Spree - Five Years
• The Rapture - Whoo! Alright - Yeah... Uh Huh
• Stevie Wonder - If Your Love Cannot be Moved

EDIT: I somehow completely forgot to include 2HB by Roxy Music.

you ever listen to a song you've listened to many times and all of a sudden hear a really cool lyric you've never noticed before? that happened to me the other day, when I realized that in the last verse of Daysleeper, Stipe sings that the ocean machine is set to nine which i think is great.

song obsessions update

i've really been obsessing over one song at a time, and right now its mostly mr. blue sky. curse you random episode of dr. who!

• Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky
• Pat Benatar - We Belong
• Kylie Minogue - I Should Be So Lucky

I was going to call this song obsessions update - pure pop edition, but really it's songs I heard on the TV edition. We Belong is on some hotel commercial, and I Should Be So Lucky figured in a pretty funny French and Saunders sketch I saw.

song obsessions update

soft rock edition apparently.

• Sting - Why Should I Cry For You?
• Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill
• New Order - Regret
• The Divine Comedy - National Express
• A plus D - Beethoven's Fifth Gold Digger

well, i guess only the first 2 were soft rock. oh well, the list evolved since I wrote that first sentence a couple of days ago.

sherlell: are you yoda?

I was just struck with a thought: what is the worst song on my computer? Every time I see one of those itunes meme things, people are all ashamed of what they listen to etc, so i thought, let's make a list of horrible crap.

I was then immediately struck with another thought: that's a blog entry if i've ever heard one! And here we are.

So here are some pretty awful songs that are on my computer...

2 Nu - This is Ponderous

I'm starting in my WLIR shrieks-of-the-week file, because there's some stuff in there I definitely don't like. This song is one of them... no singing per se, just this guy talking over some really lame synth effects. it's like these guys played with every stupid sound their new expensive keyboard could make. the only one missing is that frog thing you can hear in the otherwise great New Order track "Perfect Kiss."

Adam Ant - Puss n' Boots

Ok, generally speaking I like Adam Ant, but any song that starts w/ the sound of an ill sounding cat meowing is just not so hot.

Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas?

I don't need to explain this.

Bob & Doug McKenzie (and Geddy Lee) - Take Off

Ok, this song is intentionally bad, but bad it is, eh?

Bronski Beat - Hit That Perfect Beat

Possibly the gayest song since Liberace stopped recording.

Crazy Joe and the Variable Speed Band - Eugene

2 ginger ales for my girls!

The Cure- Hey You!!!

Ok, I really like the cure but what the hell. I think I am including this on the list for the 3 exclamation marks alone.

Dee Dee King - German Kid

a.k.a. The rap persona of Dee Dee Ramone. I think I might as well stop here. this is really just about as horrible as they get. really, if i have anything worse than this i will be amazed. this song is really, really bad. wow. oh my god i want to smash my head into the keyboard listening to this.

Duran Duran - Wild Boys

I've decided to limit myself to one Duran Duran song, and I'm picking this one. At first I thought it would be a tough call between Reflex and Union of the Snake, but this one is worse.

Electric Guitars - Wolfman Tap

“Man,” you were saying to yourself just the other day, “I wish someone would write a song about a tap-dancing werewolf.” Well my friend, have I got a song for you...

Erasure and Lene Lovich - Rage

A synthpop protest song about vegetarianism.

Meco - Star Wars (disco version)

and it's the first one not in the WLIR file. Really a crime against all humanity. i actually have a bunch of star wars techno remixes and etc, and they are all quite awful, but this one blows the hardest.

Napoleon XIV - They're Coming to Take Me Away

My dad used to sing this song for some reason. In the actual recording, the guy's voice gets progressively higher and higher and i find it rather frightening.

A*Teens - Take a Chance On Me

This is an Abba cover group in the mold of a european manufactured teen band like S Club 7. This is maybe the worst of their covers - it's really fast for no apparent reason.

Billy Joel - Time to Remember

Sappier than sap from a sap maple on the day before the great sap harvest of 1973.

B.J. Thomas - Hooked on a Feeling

This song is AWESOME for exactly 37 seconds, and then it becomes total crap.

Chris DeBurgh - The Lady in Red

Are you paying attention Vh1? This is what an awesomely bad song sounds like.

Go West - King of Wishful Thinking

Sort of sounds like Fine Young Cannibals, sort of sounds like, well, everything and nothing at the same time. Commercial dreck of the highest caliber... possibly written by Martin Page... and I'm right! Google Martin Page some time, he basically wrote every pop song in the history of the world.

Johnny Mathis - Brazil

Ah Napster... I remember fighting to download this song from someone, because I heard about 10 seconds and HAD to hear the rest. This has to be the most ridiculously over-produced version of this song ever. Johnny Mathis, what a tool. Sorry mom.

Kenny Loggins - Return to Pooh Corner

I like the Pooh books, and even the Disney cartoons, and I think that's why I downloaded this song. I think I actually liked it for a short period, and then came to my senses and realized it was complete shite.

Meatloaf - Life is a Lemon

mwahahahahahaha. when i was in junior high i thought this was what rock and roll anger sounded like.

Michael Jackson - Black or White

Surprisingly, even compared with all of Jacko's disco-inf(l)ected stuff, this has aged far worse. The production is more gimicky and sounds really dated.

New Order - Blue Monday (DMC Mix)

I was surprised to find that this mix is only 7:11, shorter than the regular 12" blue monday. It is just filled with all sorts of retarded little clips, starting with Thunderbirds, going through "there is nothing like a dame," cutting crew, a bunch of other random crap, and ends up with Bugs Bunny.

The Nylons - This Island Earth

What the hell is this, an eco-friendly song by some bad imitators of the Starlight Vocal Band?

OMD - Electricity

And people say that Falco is cheesy. C'mon.

Styx - Mr. Roboto

A friend of mine in college told me her sister did this in show choir, which is just perfect.

Thompson Twins - Don't Mess with Dr. Dream

Well this song is just a total mess.

Toto - Hold the Line

Fun Toto fact! John William's son Joe used to be their lead singer!

Was Not Was - Walk the Dinosaur

And in the file of songs I completely forgot existed... somewhere between Wang Chung and Kung-fu Fighting is this song, which includes the following lyric: “The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice, I felt a little tired so I watched Miami Vice.”

Well, in the end, I didn't find a song nearly as bad as Dee Dee King. That song is awful. I mean it's bad. Really, really bad.

By the way, you know what song is actually awesome? “David Duchovny” by Bree Sharp. That is passion my friends.

Some other thoughts brought to mind by looking at basically every song I have... has anyone ever seen a movie where John Malkovich makes a clone of himself to send to space? I haven't, but i think it exists. Oh well. Stay tuned for “songs that i have just decided are awesome” and, if i remember in a month or so, “what's the worst song on brian's computer: special holiday edition!”

lyrics meme answers

bastards. here are the answers...

1. Assassins - The Gun Song
2. Björk - I've Seen it All
3. Abba - SOS
4. Dream Academy - Life in a Northern Town
5. Weird Al Yankovich - Theme from Rocky XIII
6. Johnny Cash - We'll Meet Again
7. The Beatles - Across the Universe
8. Suburban Kids with Biblical Names - Love Will
9. Sting - Brand New Day
10. The White Stripes - Ball & Biscuit
11. Duran Duran - Hungry Like the Wolf
12. Brian Eno - Needle in the Camel's Eye
13. Sting - Russians
14. George Michael - Faith
15. Regina Spektor - Field Below
16. Cabaret - Tomorrow Belongs to Me (On the revival recording Denis O'Hare sings the word "mine" really, really emphatically. It's kind of scary.)
17. Roy Orbison - Crying
18. Jim's Big Ego - She's Dead
19. Billy Joel - Uptown Girl
20. Queen - Radio Gaga

guess the lyrics meme, v2

play 20 tracks off of shuffle, pick your favorite lyric from each one, and let people guess the songs... parantheses are me interjecting, not lyrics

1. What a wonder is a gun/what a versatile invention./First of all when you've a gun - (big pause)/everybody pays attention!
2. All walls are great if the roof doesn't fall
3. When you're gone/how can I even try to go on?/When you're gone/though I try how can I carry on?
4. Like sinatra in a younger day
5. It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite/let me please be your catering advisor (mwahahahaha!)
6. And will you please say hello/to the folks that I know/tell 'em that I won't be long./And they'll be happy to know, that as you saw me go I was/singin' this song.
7. Thoughts meander like a/restless wind inside a letter box
8. I noticed she's been listenin'/a lot to Joy Division/lately
9. I'm the train and you're the station/I'm a flagpole to your nation (so overt i have to love it)
10. It's quite possible that i'm your third man girl/but it's a FACT that I'm the seventh son
11. Straddle the line/in discord and rhyme (I include this solely because I used to think the line was "disco and time")
12. Why ask why?/For by the by and by.
13. How can I save my little boy/from Oppenheimer's little toy?
14. Before this river/becomes an ocean/before you throw my heart back on the floor./Oooooh, oh baby, I reconsider my foolish notion
15. And darkness spreads over the snow/like ancient bruises
16. Oh Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign/your children have waited to see./The morning will come/when the world is mine
17. I love you even more/than I did before/But darling, what can I do?
18. I bet Jim Morrison is there/and Kurt/and Jerry/and the guy from Sublime/and other people who have died.
19. She's been living in her white bread world/as long as anyone with hot blood can./And now she's looking for a downtown man;/That's what I am!
20. We watch the shows,/we watch the stars/on videos for hours and hours.

let's see that comments section light up!

weird cover ideas

“imperial march”/“mars bringer of war” style orchestration of “total eclipse of the heart.”